pusong napagsamantalahan

January 21, 2010

bakit hindi ko magawa na limutin ka?  bakit hindi ko magawa na iwanan ka? kahit na yaring puso ko, maga na sa kirot, suko na sa hapdi at pasakit na dinudulot ng mapaglaro mong puso.

bakit hindi ko magawang maging manhid sa iyong pagwawalang bahala? bakit hindi ko magawang malunod sa patuloy mong hindi patugon sa damdaming sa iyo aking inuukol?

paulit - ulit ko mang alalahanin, marami ko mang beses bilangin ang sakit at kirot na ibinigay mo sa akin, pilit ko pa ring nabibigyan ng kadahilanan at muling napagtatakpan at sa kalaunan napapalitan ito ng paniniwala na ganyan talaga ang pagmamahalan.

hangal nga siguro ako at hindi ko malisan ang mundo ko kung saan tanging ikaw ang kabuuan.

kaya isa lang ang aking kahilingan, itong puso ko, huwag mo sanang pagsamantalahan

a change of heart

January 17, 2010

when you gave all that you can give…when you have offerred all that you have…when you have defied all obstacles and conquered all challenges…

when you have shed the last drop of your blood…breath the last oxygen in thin air…spent the last energy in your body and consumed your last brain cell…

ALL FOR THE SAKE OF DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY

should return be expected? should appreciation be anticipated? should recognition be considered? You must be thinking it should be, you maybe saying absolutely…

BUT…what if it did’nt happened? what if it passed unnoticed? what if it was not reciprocated?

should a CHANGE OF HEART be considered? 

tell it to my heart

January 10, 2010

Was it worth it? When i chose to be with you on those days? Are you the one that I should continue to live for? Should i hold on to the belief that you also care? Was I right when I said that deep in your heart, there’s a wall where my name has been engraved? Should i continue to hold on?                                                                                                   

They say, i was just the one pushing myself to you. They say, it was just an illusion thinking and expecting for the care and the affection to be reciprocated. They say that all that you do is to be the receiver, seldom the giver. They say that I should not continue to love you, because you have not loved me in return. They say that I should start my realization of the big truth that there is more hurt than laughter in being with you. They say that I should finally accept the fact that you are there only when you need me and never when I need you.                                                                                   

But how can I say it to my heart, who is so loyal to you? How can i say it to my heart, when it only stores the beautiful memories of you, as it automatically deletes all the painstaking reminiscences brought by you? How can I say to my heart who only listens to you? And how can say it to my heart who has been blind and numb to all your disregards?               

But deep within, I’m hurting, deep within, my heart is weakening, its gasping. And worst, I’m fastened. So please now, tell it to my heart, so that it may again take its breath.                                                                                                   

Tell it to my heart… tell my heart the words it needs to hear…please… tell it to my heart carefully.

the less educated heart

what makes an educated heart?

Sometimes I wonder what is needed to be called an “educated heart”, is it the numbers of diploma that you have? Or the certificates you have posted on your walls, or the plaques of recognition you have meticulously arranged on your table? Is it the number of applauded speeches you have earned? Many people would answer yes,but is it really?

what makes a less educated heart?                                                                                                                          

I come into thinking, will you be a less educated heart if you have no degree to offer? Will you be considered as less educated if you are occupying a rank and file position? If you are not able to enter into a discussion using either the most technical words or idiomatic expressions, will you be tagged as a less educated heart? Some people may say yes, but is it really?                                                                                                                                                          

which is the less educated heart?                                                                                                                               

Is it the illiterate who tries to excell from the God given gift of talent? Is it the untrained who tries to humbly share the self owned knowledge? Is it the inexpert who finds way for other people, so that everyone may have the same share?            

OR                                                                                                                                                                          

Is it the clever one who boastfully say, “this is my point of view and it is what should be.”? Is it the witty one who willfully steps on the head of people for self achievement? Is it the intelligent one who conceitedly blocks other people who diligently work and longs only for appreciation?                                                                       

tell me.. tell me…  what should be the measure to be called…  a less educated heart?

 

 

in the heart of a street child

January 9, 2010

1:30 AM, more than an hour past midnight. Children should be snoring by this time.  Dapat namamaluktot  pa sila sa kanilang higaan, specially at this season where one can still feel the cold breeze of the post Christmas wind.  But this small child is still tapping window shield. Knock. Knock. There go her tiny fingers, pushing itself to make a sound for the driver of the car to hear her begging heart. But the driver just can’t hear her. The wheel of the car continuous to glide as it finds its way towards the exit, probably tired after the long wait from that jam – packed parking lot of Star City. And as the wheel move smoothly, so is her tiny steps become quicker and closer to each other, trying to catch the speed of the turning wheel. Knock. Knock. “Pahingi po ng pagkain.” as her voice competes with the sound of the radio being played inside the car. Knock. Knock. Until the driver turns to her side, makes a small opening at the window and a plastic pouch was handed to the small child. “Salamat po!” a quick heartily reply as she runs towards the dark corner of the street under the small tree where the color of the leaves had become night like. As she opens the plastic pouch, and pulls out what’s inside. Her hands became full of the tiny bits of hotdogs, most probably Purefoods hotdogs, as it was all over Star City and some French fries crumbs and bits of Popperoo Popcorn. She hastily put it all inside her mouth, munched it until a smile of fulfillment was all over face.

 

And yes, this, this is the heart of a street child. Where happiness can easily be found. Where contentment simply abound. A heart seldom found in others. A heart genuinely owned only by a street child.